Hello. If you’re new to my blog, welcome! Today, I just wanted to give a little context to the name of the blog, ‘Flounder and Fumble’.
I’ve always been what one may call a “lazy perfectionist”. It’s always meant that if I’m not already good at something, it makes me highly uncomfortable to participate. This included starting a blog.
I’m a Media graduate and most people always assume that automatically my photography and videography skills are “on point”. They are not. I’m not bad at photography, but I’m no visionary.
I didn’t want to go ahead and start my blog because the comparison and the fear of making mistakes just didn’t sit well with me. Making mistakes in general unsettles me so much.
Ugh, the amount of stress I put myself through over every little thing…no wonder I suffer from anxiety and a panic disorder. I still don’t have a handle on any of it. Even the expectation of myself to be more zen stresses me out.
I have no clue where my need to have things around me in control comes from. I have to stop putting so much pressure on myself though; let myself make mistakes and learn from them instead of letting the fear of them keep me from starting anything worthwhile and never growing. And that is where ‘Flounder and Fumble’ came from.
By definition, to flounder and to fumble means to mess up, to be clumsy and confused. I suppose to create a blog with those two words is kind of a way to give myself permission to experiment more, to make more mistakes and not beat myself up about it all.
I’m not saying that, that niggling feeling when I do stumble will now automatically go away. I’m still my own worse critic. No matter what criticism comes my way, trust me, I’ve already beaten myself up about it and continue to do so. I just get so angry with myself, it’s exhausting.
I don’t have the answers as to how to deal with that yet, but I hope that with time, I can learn to let myself be alright with not having things “perfect”.
Man Repeller recently had a whole month dedicated to ‘Mistakes’. I’ll take my leave by sharing with you two posts that resonated with me:
“Why can’t thoughtfulness and an earnest desire to do the right thing pay off in the form of mistake-free living? Why must we evolve only by way of our own stupidity? How deeply disappointing.”
“There’s value in wanting to improve after making a mistake, but there’s a danger, too. It introduces the pressure of optimization in every aspect of your life, in every detail no matter how small. Of always taking two steps forward after one step back.”
Thank you for dropping by!